The Minute Book
Friday, 6 September 2013

Regimental Retorts
Topic: Humour

From the Canadian Force Base Gagetown Junior Officers' Journal
Edition 3, Volume 2, December 1978
Editor: Captain D.C.D. Milne

Regimental Retorts;
Humour from the CLFCSC Lines Book

Submitted by Major J.S. Cox

1.     Overheard … when a PPCLI officer asked an RCR officer how he shone his new cloth cap badge the Royal said:— "We just find a Patricia officer and say, 'Here boy, go polish this'."

There's nothing to fire planning – even a gunner can do it.

3.     Being an armoured corps officer these days is almost a tankless job.

4.     DS:— "Yes, the British Army had labour battalions that were made up of non-violent types – mostly conscripts called Pioneers …"

Student:— "Oh yeah, we had them too, but called them Patricias."

5.     1st Student (Cavalry type):— "I've always had trouble on road moves when it comes to effecting liaison with civilian police."

DS:— "I disagree. If you approach them properly I think you'll find bend over backwards for you."

2nd Student (RCR type):— "But that's just it Sir. The cavalry would prefer that they bend over forwards."

6.     Remark of Cavalry Student regarding a herd of curious cattle watching RCR student present his solution to a TEWT problem:— "They've been attracted by the smell of bullshit."

7.     Overheard during Airborne operations TEWT:— "We will land the Hungarian paratroopers in the cabbage patch and they can do cabbage rolls."

8.     What is gross ignorance? 144 pilots attending a briefing.

9.     Infantry Officer during Fire Planning exercise:— "in our appreciation we concluded that it would take four minutes to get from H to H+4."

10.      Infantry Officer explaining how to achieve depth in a section:— "… put the trenches perpendicular to the enemy approach."

11.     "… a fourth task for tanks in the night attack is to shoot up all the motels and kill all the helicopter pilots."

12.     DS:— "What will the extended barrels on the M109 give us?"

Artillery Student:— "A longer barrel."

13.     Pilot overheard discussing recce plan:— "We should put an OP in the silo; the Germans do it in the movies."

14.     After a remark by a former Deputy Commandant about haircuts and the need thereof:

1st Student:— "Gee, you'd think Colonel Barret had shares in the local haircutting industry …"

2nd Student:— "Nope, he's just jealous …"

15.     The TACP is made up of two signals testicles and one Air Force prick.

16.     Artillery and Engineers are like canaries—too pretty to kill and too chicken to fight.

17.     Overheard Pilot:— "In the next life, if I can't be a pilot I think I'll return as an officer."

18.     DS to Pilot:— "I understand you have to be a Brigadier-General to fly 707's."

Pilot:— "No Sir. You just get Brigadier-General's pay."

19.     DS:— "Give me one of the major characteristics of armour."

Student:— "It's thick …"

DS:— "Like the officers …"

20.     Engineer Student:— "Why are there three engineers to man each assault boat?"

Infantry Student:— "Two to hold the engine and one to steer."

21.      1st Student:— "Did you see that guy wearing the RCR tie and blazer doing that animal act in the Legion last Friday?"

2nd Student:— "Yeah … I forget his name but he's a Patricia."

22.     Commandant's remark following a guest speaker's talk on mobilization:— "Some people get all disturbed about the number of RMC graduates leaving the service. I think its just marvelous."

23.     During an Internal Security TEWT:

DS:— "… and what's the problem associated with having guards escort the children to school?"

Artillery Student:— "You may educate the infantry …"

24.     During organization period:

DS:— "Where do you see the Dental Company deploying?"

Infantry Student:— "On the parade square—drilling."

25.     Armoured Student to Infantry Student during discussion of harbour occupation:— "I need people like you to protect people like me from people like you … or something like that."

26.     Artillery DS on the capabilities of an Infantry Battalion Mortar Platoon:— "Give enough monkeys enough pencils and eventually they'll write the Bible."

27.     During discussion about withdrawal operations—an Infantry Officer tutpring a Pilot:—

Infantry Student:— "… and who is the last man off the platoon position?"

Pilot:— "… the slowest guy?"

28.     DS breaking up a boring discussion:— "The French Canadians I knew before weren't French Canadians—they wee just guys from the Van Doos."

elipsis graphic

  • CLFCSC – Canadian land Force Command and Staff College
  • DS – Directing Staff
  • PPCLI – Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry
  • [The] RCR – The Royal Canadian Regiment
  • TACP – Tactical Air Control Party
  • TEWT – Tactical Exercise Without Troops

The Frontenac Times

Posted by regimentalrogue at 12:01 AM EDT

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